Thought for the Day

Being a kid is like being a model; no matter how good you are at it, once you reach a certain age, you're out forever...

In Case of Emergency: Break Dance

By myself all day

Entertained with break dancing

All the doctors laughed.

The Book of My Life

I have decided that I will write a book about my life; all of my interesting little anecdotes collected together. They catch? I'm writing them all as haiku.

Also, since I have little time and resources here in my life as a college student, I'm just going to post the haiku on here as I think of them and will collect them all once I'm rich and can afford to print hundreds of books. I'll start you off with:

Kittens met their death

Sleeping on the warm engine

We dug them up.

My Knight in a Clown Costume...

I'm not looking for someone to grow old with. Rather, I want someone with whom it will become increasingly apparent to others how immature we are.

You Know You're Getting Old When...

I was going to get a spoon to eat my rice with, so I reached under the counter to open the drawer, BUT IT WASN'T THERE!!! So I'm all spazzing out like... "ok, calm down, there's gotta be a logical explanation for the lack of drawer". So I'm trying to chill out, but I'm still wondering where the hell my drawer went. Then I realized that ALL MY DRAWERS ARE GONE!!!!! So I'm really starting to freak out, because, like, I have no drawers! But then I remembered that I never had any drawers in this house. My silverware is on the shelf above the microwave...

Neil Diamond makes me laugh...

Neil Diamond has been saying for a while that he wants to get a dog. And today, I get this text from him: "Well, I've finally done it! My new pet is cute, loveable and easy to care for. He's a rescue named Clamper. Stay tuned, video later...."

So, naturally, I assume he finally got his puppy. Here's the video he sent:

And he says:

"Call me crazy but I love him. Rescued him on the beach. Here he is... Clamper the sea scallop!"

The best jab at Neil Diamond I've ever heard!

What? Sorry... Neil Diamond in leather pants...

and a jock strap